So I have seen you wrote in your college yearbook that your ultimate ambition is to become a mother. Surprise! Here you are—a mother of two beautiful kids.
When you decided to enter and embrace motherhood at 24, I had no doubt you could make it. I have seen you did your research about pregnancy and giving birth. Ah! How dare you watch on You Tube videos on natural birth! You even bought a book on how to raise a baby. From day one to reaching one year old. And then buying another book about toddler stage and more of growing up. How to become an effective parent. How to decode baby’s crying and tantrums. You were brave enough to commute from home to work everyday despite carrying a huge watermelon in your tummy. You were able to withstand being alone at home for a long period of time as your husband’s away for work.
I remember when you gave birth to your first born on the 30th of December, you went home and still managed to cook menu and prepare food for New Year’s eve. That despite bleeding and being physically exhausted, you still pushed yourself to organize the first meal of the new family for the year.
I am amazed how you managed to take good care of your baby like a pro without prior experience but just by merely reading books about parenting. That you were very hands-on, you didn’t want to bug your busy parents to assist you during the first weeks of your new life as a mother.
I have seen you managed your temper and extended your patience 100 folds. Surprisingly, inspite of your nature of deep sleep, you are able to wake up everytime your baby cries for milk or at times of colic attack. I have seen you do the same thing for both kids. And even though, you got two yaya’s for them, you make sure to spend time with them everyday, no matter how tired you are.
I am impressed that you oblige yourself to wake up early so you can cook food for their breakfast and lunch before you dress up and go to work. I would have probably asked the helper do the cooking for me instead! But your justification says, it is your major contribution for the day as a mother since you’ll be out for work the whole day. And you would reiterate, you want to be the one to cook food for your children.
I’ve seen you file extra day-off’s from your office so you could attend to your children’s needs: when sick, in school activities or even during scheduled family bondings when your husband is home. I remember, I asked you to go out for a movie but you declined. You said, you cannot enjoy when you know that there are sweet angels waiting for you at home. Sometimes, you decide to go to the mall to buy shoes or a bag for yourself but you’d (more often than not) end up buying clothes and toys for your kids, instead.
But of course, with your fabulous aura, people may not believe you on that. You’re just good in carrying yourself, like you’re best at matching up old clothes and bags and shoes. Funny, because you want to maximize your time with your kids before you leave your house in the morning, you choose to do your make up in the car. Ah, first stoplight, foundation. Next stoplight, eyebrow. Next stoplight, blush on. Until you reach your destination for the final powder retouch. I would have thought of you spending hours for your vanity! But you are resourceful as ever! You manage to find ways, best in multi-tasking!
Speaking of multi-tasking, I thought you were out of your mind when you decided to pursue your graduate studies. I just couldn’t imagine how you are going to manage your time, your life. You have two kids to attend to, a husband in LDR, a demanding career and then a lot more demanding school works (which leave you sleeping on the table after dinner)??? Slow clap. Slow clap. You survived two semesters, and you still look fab!
Now, why am I saying these things to you? I just want to remind you that you are doing a great job in your dream role! I know there are times when you feel like you’re a failure. When you think, you’re lacking and inadequate as a mother. I could feel your frustrations and stress. Your self-doubt, once in a while. When you think, you suck at time management. More particularly, when you feel you don’t have the power to soothe your restless kid. During those days when you think you have to quit your job. Or perhaps, to quit schooling. Those times, when you feel unappreciated. Whenever you doubt your capacity to fulfill multiple roles. When you breakdown and burst into tears. When you feel so exhausted and drained. I have heard your prayers and your vigor to remain strong. My dear, I am with you.
When you wrote in the yearbook that your ultimate dream is to become a mother, I knew you could make it. There is no perfect Science on parenting. Not everybody will understand how you carry motherhood. How you manage your choices. How you keep yourself sane and balanced. But I do understand you. I am your positive side of the brain telling you to keep going. Whenever you’re lost and feeling down, perhaps suffering from body chemical imbalances, I promise to remind you that you are doing a great job! I keep a record of your sacrifices and the things you let go, just to be the best mom you’ve always wanted to be. I will remind you. Because, I know your love is unconditional, you don’t account, you just love.
Happy Mother’s Day to you, self.